Pharaoh and Me

As I'm reading in Exodus about God and Moses and Pharaoh, I am reminded that there have been times in my life when I was a lot like Pharaoh.

Each time Moses and Aaron would come to Pharaoh and announce a plague his heart was hard. When the plague came and the country was devastated by it, Pharaoh called Moses and Aaron to plead with God to take it away. But once the crisis was gone, Pharaoh's heart was hardened again.

During my years as a prodigal daughter, I would periodically go to church - but only when I was in trouble of some sort. I would plead with God to fix my situation and even make some promises that I probably knew I wouldn't keep. Time and time again, God came to my rescue. Time and time again, I turned away from God to do my own thing.

The Bible tells us that the Lord hardened Pharaoh's heart so that "you may know that I am the Lord."  After the eighth plague, Pharaoh went so far as to say "I have sinned." But it still took two more plagues and the death of all the firstborn of Egypt for Pharaoh to listen to God and let the people of Israel leave. God's purpose in this was to make it known that "the Lord makes a distinction between Egypt and Israel" and that "My wonders may be multiplied in the land of Egypt" and that "on all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgement." 

Some people would say that God was cruel or unloving or unjust in hardening Pharaoh's heart. But God never does anything that does not accomplish His purposes. I don't know if God was hardening my heart during those years in the wilderness of sin. But knowing me and my strong-willed heart, I probably never would have fully submitted to Jesus as Lord if I had not been allowed to get to the very brink of death. God didn't just want me to attend church or give up the drugs and alcohol and sex, He wanted me to be wholeheartedly, devotedly His. And He knew that I was not ready to fully submit to Him when I would go back to church for a few weeks or months. He knew exactly what it would take to make me surrender.

So perhaps He did harden my heart so that I would not just go through the motions. If so, then hardening my heart is the most loving thing He could have ever done for me.